Molloy DSG Professional Digest

There is an undeniable repulsion to being gaslit.

Gaslighting is a psychological manipulation tactic where one person, often subtly, tries to make another person doubt their own perceptions, memory, or sanity. This behavior can be particularly insidious because it often involves a slow, systematic erosion of the victim's confidence in their own thoughts and experiences. Over time, the person being gaslighted may start to question their reality, making them more dependent on the gaslighter's version of events. Gaslighting can occur in personal relationships, social interactions, and even in the workplace, where it can have serious implications for both individuals and the broader environment.

The implications of gaslighting in society and the workplace are significant. In personal relationships, gaslighting can lead to emotional abuse, where the victim becomes increasingly isolated and dependent on the abuser for their sense of reality. This can result in long-term psychological damage, including anxiety, depression, and a diminished sense of self-worth. In the workplace, gaslighting can create a toxic environment, where employees may be manipulated into doubting their abilities or the validity of their concerns. This can lead to decreased morale, productivity, and even higher turnover rates as employees struggle to cope with the uncertainty and stress that gaslighting creates. In any context, gaslighting can undermine trust and communication, making it difficult for individuals to collaborate effectively or seek help when needed.

Despite the potential for harm, the vast majority of people who engage in gaslighting behavior are not particularly skilled at it. Gaslighting requires a high level of psychological manipulation involving subtlety and consistency. Unfortunately (for them) most individuals who attempt to gaslight others lack the sophistication or patience needed to be truly effective. They may resort to obvious lies, contradictions, or overly aggressive tactics that can backfire. Instead of causing the intended self-doubt, these transparent attempts at manipulation often alert the victim or others around them to the deceitful behavior. The gaslighter's lack of skill can lead to their exposure, severely undermining their credibility, leading to social or professional repercussions.

One reason gaslighting often fails is because human beings are generally adept at picking up on cues that indicate dishonesty. Non-verbal signals such as body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions often betray a person who is lying or manipulating. People who are confident in their own perceptions and experiences are more likely to recognize these cues and resist the gaslighter's attempts to distort their reality. Additionally, consistency is key in gaslighting, and many gaslighters struggle to maintain a coherent narrative over time. When their lies or manipulations start to unravel, it becomes increasingly apparent to the victim and others that something is amiss. They stumble even more when burdened with an abusive relationship to drugs or alcohol.

The behavior of a gaslighter shares troubling similarities with the actions of other types of harmful individuals, such as abusers, thieves, and sexual predators. At the core of these behaviors is a desire for control and power over another person. Just as a gaslighter seeks to dominate another's sense of reality, an abuser exerts control through physical, emotional, or psychological hurt, often making the victim feel powerless and dependent. The patterns of manipulation, deception, and the gradual breaking down of the victim's self-worth are common threads that run through both gaslighting and abusive behaviors. Similarly, a thief uses deceit to exploit trust, often manipulating situations to avoid detection or to shift blame onto others. Like gaslighters, thieves rely on a facade of credibility or innocence, manipulating perceptions to achieve their goals. The thief's ability to manipulate situations and people for personal gain is a direct parallel to how gaslighters manipulate reality to maintain control over their victims.

Perpetrators of bullying and sexual abuse or exploitation also share these traits of manipulation and deceit. They, too, rely on distorting reality, often by making their victims doubt their own experiences or by creating a false sense of normalcy around their predatory behavior. The techniques used to groom or manipulate victims into compliance are disturbingly similar to those employed by gaslighters to erode their victims' trust in their own perceptions.

All these behaviors–whether exhibited by gaslighters, abusers, thieves, bullies, or sexual predators–are marked by a fundamental disregard for the well-being and autonomy of others. These individuals prioritize their own desires, whether it be control, material gain, or gratification, over the rights and dignity of their victims. The tactics they use–manipulation, deceit, and erosion of trust–are tools designed to create a power imbalance, where the victim feels increasingly trapped and unable to escape the influence of the perpetrator.

While gaslighting is a dangerous and harmful behavior, it is not as effective as those who employ it might hope. The implications of gaslighting in society and the workplace are severe, leading to emotional distress, toxic environments, and broken trust. The reality is, the majority of people who attempt to gaslight others are not particularly skilled at it, making their behavior transparent to those who can recognize the signs of dishonesty. The similarities between gaslighters and other harmful individuals, such as abusers, thieves, bullies, and sexual predators, further highlight the manipulative and destructive nature of this behavior. As awareness of gaslighting and its parallels with other forms of abuse continues to grow, victims should defend and speak against this toxic behavior to ensure the manipulation tactics of the few do not hold undue power over the many.

Behaviors to understand, for the best defense against gaslighting:

• Excuses are lies, and lies are told as a method to gaslight
• Diversions from a topic or an unsolicited cover story are a red flag
• Exhibition of antisocial, bullying, or unprofessional behaviors; red flag
• Anger over receiving criticism is an indication one is prone to lie
• Avoidance of an apology; fake apologies (prone to saying "sorry")

In life in general, a hard-line stance for behavioral expectations of other adults should be maintained in order to guarantee the highest quality and most fulfilling relationships. There's not a cure for this behavior present in adults that lies in any other hands other than their own; you're best off applying distancing or completely terminating the relationship.